So I went to the staff meal tonight. All was well untill we all decided to go to the pub afterwards. I was slightly tipsy. Ms. Mucky was more so. I decided to call Minty although I had no idea what I was gonna say to him :S Ms. Mucky decided to nick my phone and talk to him herself. I was not impressed. Later she decided to add him as a friend on facebook. I was also not impressed by this either. I am a very jealous person. If I have something that is precious to me then I very rarely want to share it with others that may ruin it or destroy it. also all amounts of apologies seemed to fall on deaf ears when I texted Minty about my friends' drunken behaviour. Maybe he knows to leave me alone when I'm drunk, or maybe he was ignoring me on purpose. Who knows.
On the plus side, Ginger pubes has been getting it on with a Horsey girl who can't hold her drink. But good on him for moving on although he's not so sure it's the right thing to do yadda yadda yadda....
News on my relationship.... It's dead in the water :S . Bf and I have kinda decided to take a break. Just need to get him out the house now. Before Christmas. Or else life will become too complicated. Time to wipe the slate clean and start again. Even without any contributing factors like Minty or Ginger pubes, the relationship is gone, and I need to concentrate on that before I start indulging in anything else.
That does'nt mean I'm not still pissed off though. Ms Mucky knows I was annoyed with Her this evening, She was gonna change her work shifts so she went home before I arrived tomorrow. So obviously she's not stupid. Not to that degree anyway. But why did she do it if she knew it would piss me off??? More answers on a postcard please. Anyway for now I am feeling drunk, annoyed and very alone with alot on my shoulders. Could'nt wear my dress tonight to the meal because of the fresh marks on my arms and back. I suspect there will be more before the week is out. I feel mentally drained because of all this and it is all my own doing.
Sunday 13 December 2009
Monday 23 November 2009
Hmmmmmmm.... :S
Ok, So I've got myself in a bit of an emotional mess. I have decided that I need to end My relationship with BF. Which will be hard on many levels but mainly because I do still love Him and don't want to cause any hurt. I have cheated on Him many times with My thoughts alone and there are the times with Ginger pubes to take into account aswell. If it was a happy, healthy relationship I would be greeting Him home from work with dinner on the table and a smile on My face. As it currently is, I feel like a harlot, and My guilty conscience is making it impossible for me to eat anything. I have impeccable timing for these things, My son's birthday is just next week and we have arranged a lovely family day out with friends. Also BF's birthday is just before Christmas, which brings me to the third obstacle, Christmas!! So I'm gonna give Him a broken heart for Christmas. Joy. Makes me feel wretched at the thought. We have kinda decided to spend Christmas at different places, so we won't even be together on that day. But I have made the decision, I just need to get the guts to do it.
Minty is My next source of emotional turmoil, and probably a major factor in My decision mentioned above. We have made plans to meet up in the first few weeks of december but I am horrified that I would be so devious and lie to BF and go behind His back etc. Despite My longing to meet up with Minty, the thought of Me lying to BF so blatently fills Me with horror. Whenever we talk about meeting I end up having mini panic attack, My heart races and I nearly hyperventilate. And yet I still want to meet Him. I also don't want to let Minty down, I have promised to help Him with something and it is a promise that I am more than willing to fulfill. To back out now would only be messing both of us around. But I feel I have to end things with BF first, this would probably end the guilt and panic attacks.
Another niggling problem at the moment is Ginger pubes. He told Me that He has feelings for Me, which was evident a long time ago. Everybody knew. He gets really jealous when I speak about Minty, which to be honest is alot :S Ginger pubes knows that He is'nt the centre of My affections anymore and yet He is still being the supportive friend that I need and attracted Me in the first place. His friends neeed to be put on a leash though, they have been speaking too freely with My name on facebook. This has sent Me into a venomous rage. Ginger pubes says He has warned them to be more carefull. I doubt this will have any effect though. My method would be to tie the main offender to a chair and douse them in petrol whilst I carelessly smoke one of My favourite menthols and describe how dissapointed I am in their idle chatter. More hassle that I could do without in My current situation. Especially if BF sees any of it. That all aside I don't want to hurt Ginger pubes' feeling in all this. He willl expect Me to be readily available to Him if I do split from BF, and I'm just not that into Him anymore. Cue uncomfortable knot in stomache. Someone else that i will no doubt end up hurting in My wake.
So you could say I'm in a bit of a quandry. Or it would seem that I know what I have to do I just need to get on with it and sort out the mess afterwards. I have no fire in Me anymore. I feel like I am going to hurt alot of people's feelings and still end up feeling wretched even if it does all get sorted. I can't eat properly, I'm loosing weight, My sleep pattern is out the window and My work will suffer if I'm not carefull. I feel panicky if I think about it all too much. I am about to turn My life up-side down and I don't know how to feel about it, or how to do it, or when. I find Myself crying alot and having to hide in the bathroom away from BF, which is where I keep My stanley knife, which also is'nt helping with the feeling of absolute despair that falls apon Me when I look at what I have done to Myself.
Like I said earlier, I have no fire in Me anymore. I feel down, broken, depressed and there is just a small glimmer of sparkly, twinkly, happy light shining far off in the distance. I have to focus on this. Or is it just the greener grass on the other side?? I really don't know anymore. Answers on a postcard please...
Minty is My next source of emotional turmoil, and probably a major factor in My decision mentioned above. We have made plans to meet up in the first few weeks of december but I am horrified that I would be so devious and lie to BF and go behind His back etc. Despite My longing to meet up with Minty, the thought of Me lying to BF so blatently fills Me with horror. Whenever we talk about meeting I end up having mini panic attack, My heart races and I nearly hyperventilate. And yet I still want to meet Him. I also don't want to let Minty down, I have promised to help Him with something and it is a promise that I am more than willing to fulfill. To back out now would only be messing both of us around. But I feel I have to end things with BF first, this would probably end the guilt and panic attacks.
Another niggling problem at the moment is Ginger pubes. He told Me that He has feelings for Me, which was evident a long time ago. Everybody knew. He gets really jealous when I speak about Minty, which to be honest is alot :S Ginger pubes knows that He is'nt the centre of My affections anymore and yet He is still being the supportive friend that I need and attracted Me in the first place. His friends neeed to be put on a leash though, they have been speaking too freely with My name on facebook. This has sent Me into a venomous rage. Ginger pubes says He has warned them to be more carefull. I doubt this will have any effect though. My method would be to tie the main offender to a chair and douse them in petrol whilst I carelessly smoke one of My favourite menthols and describe how dissapointed I am in their idle chatter. More hassle that I could do without in My current situation. Especially if BF sees any of it. That all aside I don't want to hurt Ginger pubes' feeling in all this. He willl expect Me to be readily available to Him if I do split from BF, and I'm just not that into Him anymore. Cue uncomfortable knot in stomache. Someone else that i will no doubt end up hurting in My wake.
So you could say I'm in a bit of a quandry. Or it would seem that I know what I have to do I just need to get on with it and sort out the mess afterwards. I have no fire in Me anymore. I feel like I am going to hurt alot of people's feelings and still end up feeling wretched even if it does all get sorted. I can't eat properly, I'm loosing weight, My sleep pattern is out the window and My work will suffer if I'm not carefull. I feel panicky if I think about it all too much. I am about to turn My life up-side down and I don't know how to feel about it, or how to do it, or when. I find Myself crying alot and having to hide in the bathroom away from BF, which is where I keep My stanley knife, which also is'nt helping with the feeling of absolute despair that falls apon Me when I look at what I have done to Myself.
Like I said earlier, I have no fire in Me anymore. I feel down, broken, depressed and there is just a small glimmer of sparkly, twinkly, happy light shining far off in the distance. I have to focus on this. Or is it just the greener grass on the other side?? I really don't know anymore. Answers on a postcard please...
Wednesday 11 November 2009
Messy weekend
Well My weekend did'nt quite go as planned and it inevitably ended in tears for many people, Myself included.
Ms. Mucky turned up at My place on saturday evening and it was gone 9pm by the time we ventured towards town. I had boosted My confidence with the help of some retail therapy earlier in the day which resulted in a new lbd and heels, perfect for all the xmas parties that are sure to be coming up. We forgot about the entrapment and humiliation of Capt. Creepy, mainly because the store security guard had arranged to meet Him in the pub under the impression that we girls were going to be there. The guard had no intention of turning up and we have no idea if Creepy did either. Still makes Me smile that He would turn up just for us girls, sheer deluded optimism.
We met with Ginger pubes and another friend from out of work called Lango. Bf had decided to come with Me which put Me on edge for most of the evening. Ginger pubes was argueing with Yarp for the first part of the evening and then as He got more drunk, became more annoying. I'm afraid that I am not an angel with infinite patience and He just slowly pissed Me off all night. Another colleague who could be the spitting image of Kate Moss also joined us. I'll call Her Elmlea :) She is a very pretty girl and so very thin without any apparant effort. As soon as She arrived I knew there would be a problem. Elmlea and Ms. Mucky spent the rest of the night being wherever I was'nt. I was left with Ginger pubes who was still irritating the crap out of Me whilst Bf was in deep conversation with Lango.
I made the decision to go and find the two girls who were in the garden of the pub. Ginger pubes followed Me like a puppy. Yeah, that's starting to get annoying aswell. We spoke to the girls for a while, they said 'hold our seats' and then left. Ginger pubes took the advantage of Bf being elsewhere and ran His hand up the inside of My thigh and elsewhere. I was'nt in the mood and He recieved a sharp punch in the arm for it. We went to find the girls again only to be abandoned once more. I was in a foul mood by this point and it was half 1 in the morning. I just wanted to go home but it was obvious that Ms. Mucky was'nt ready to leave. I felt snubbed and used, She was meant to be staying at My place and had dumped Me as soon as Elmlea had arrived. I gathered Bf, told Ms. Mucky that I was going home and I made My exit. I snapped at Ginger pubes when we were outside and Bf spent the whole walk home chastising Me for the way I handled the situation. He decided to tell Me how I could have handled it better and how to keep My calm. A bit like shutting the gate after the horse has bolted imo. I t did'nt sit well with Me. We argued but He could see how upset I was about the situation. I explained that I was taking my anger out on Him and He saw Me crying. He stopped telling Me what I should have done and instead was supportive and made suggestions as to where to go from this point. Probably the best heartfelt conversation we have had in months.
When I got home I spent several hours online talking to Minty which cheered Me up and put My mind at ease. I have noticed that when I mention Minty to Ginger pubes He gets a bit ratty about it. Jealousy is an evil little monster and will consume you from within. I will let Ginger pubes find this out on His own, plus I owe Him for doing exactly the same to Me just a few weeks back.
The next day all was sorted with Ms. Mucky. It turns out She had also abandoned Elmlea and had gone to Her ex's house and slept with Him. All seemed to be back on track and the relationship was sorted untill Wee Man decided to put a stop to it all for good. This week I have continued to be a good friend to Ms. Mucky and told Her I hold no grudge for being abandoned. Ginger pubes had proven how immature a 21 year old can be when mixed with alcohol. It's My main gripe with dating younger men. I apologised to Him also, there is no need to loose one of My very few friends just because I'm unpredictable and proud. I don't know why I was so angry, I'm gonna blame hormones although this is a weak excuse. The support and concern from Bf was a bit of a shock tbh, I think He may have even seen My point of view for once :S Roll on Christmas for emotional fireworks :)
Ms. Mucky turned up at My place on saturday evening and it was gone 9pm by the time we ventured towards town. I had boosted My confidence with the help of some retail therapy earlier in the day which resulted in a new lbd and heels, perfect for all the xmas parties that are sure to be coming up. We forgot about the entrapment and humiliation of Capt. Creepy, mainly because the store security guard had arranged to meet Him in the pub under the impression that we girls were going to be there. The guard had no intention of turning up and we have no idea if Creepy did either. Still makes Me smile that He would turn up just for us girls, sheer deluded optimism.
We met with Ginger pubes and another friend from out of work called Lango. Bf had decided to come with Me which put Me on edge for most of the evening. Ginger pubes was argueing with Yarp for the first part of the evening and then as He got more drunk, became more annoying. I'm afraid that I am not an angel with infinite patience and He just slowly pissed Me off all night. Another colleague who could be the spitting image of Kate Moss also joined us. I'll call Her Elmlea :) She is a very pretty girl and so very thin without any apparant effort. As soon as She arrived I knew there would be a problem. Elmlea and Ms. Mucky spent the rest of the night being wherever I was'nt. I was left with Ginger pubes who was still irritating the crap out of Me whilst Bf was in deep conversation with Lango.
I made the decision to go and find the two girls who were in the garden of the pub. Ginger pubes followed Me like a puppy. Yeah, that's starting to get annoying aswell. We spoke to the girls for a while, they said 'hold our seats' and then left. Ginger pubes took the advantage of Bf being elsewhere and ran His hand up the inside of My thigh and elsewhere. I was'nt in the mood and He recieved a sharp punch in the arm for it. We went to find the girls again only to be abandoned once more. I was in a foul mood by this point and it was half 1 in the morning. I just wanted to go home but it was obvious that Ms. Mucky was'nt ready to leave. I felt snubbed and used, She was meant to be staying at My place and had dumped Me as soon as Elmlea had arrived. I gathered Bf, told Ms. Mucky that I was going home and I made My exit. I snapped at Ginger pubes when we were outside and Bf spent the whole walk home chastising Me for the way I handled the situation. He decided to tell Me how I could have handled it better and how to keep My calm. A bit like shutting the gate after the horse has bolted imo. I t did'nt sit well with Me. We argued but He could see how upset I was about the situation. I explained that I was taking my anger out on Him and He saw Me crying. He stopped telling Me what I should have done and instead was supportive and made suggestions as to where to go from this point. Probably the best heartfelt conversation we have had in months.
When I got home I spent several hours online talking to Minty which cheered Me up and put My mind at ease. I have noticed that when I mention Minty to Ginger pubes He gets a bit ratty about it. Jealousy is an evil little monster and will consume you from within. I will let Ginger pubes find this out on His own, plus I owe Him for doing exactly the same to Me just a few weeks back.
The next day all was sorted with Ms. Mucky. It turns out She had also abandoned Elmlea and had gone to Her ex's house and slept with Him. All seemed to be back on track and the relationship was sorted untill Wee Man decided to put a stop to it all for good. This week I have continued to be a good friend to Ms. Mucky and told Her I hold no grudge for being abandoned. Ginger pubes had proven how immature a 21 year old can be when mixed with alcohol. It's My main gripe with dating younger men. I apologised to Him also, there is no need to loose one of My very few friends just because I'm unpredictable and proud. I don't know why I was so angry, I'm gonna blame hormones although this is a weak excuse. The support and concern from Bf was a bit of a shock tbh, I think He may have even seen My point of view for once :S Roll on Christmas for emotional fireworks :)
Wednesday 4 November 2009
Good things come...
Just a quick update. Ms. Mucky was dumped by Wee Man on sunday :( Which means She is now single and wants Me to join Her for celebratory/condolance drinks on saturday night. I'm expecting this to be a messy one. On monday, Capt. Creepy texted Ms. Mucky saying His usual 'hi huni, hope ur ok?xx' and on tuesday He was facebooking Me and saying he wanted to fuck Me. We girls found this hilarious and are planning on winding Him up and catching Him out on saturday night. He has already asked if Ms. Mucky will be out, we just need to sort a plan out and make Him squirm a bit when He sees both of us there. Did'nt I say that i would get the perfect oppertunity to show Him up??
Ginger pubes had a plan this monday for Me to go round and shag the living daylights out of Him. His plan was foolproof apart from the fact that His dad was ill and took the day off work. Ho-hum. He'll have to wait aswell.
One thing that I wish would get gone quickly is My cuts, they are still red and angry on My left shoulder. The cuts on My right arm and shoulder are healing ok, but will be visible if i decide to wear the top that I want to on saturday. Sudocreme and cocoa butter are My tried and tested products for speeding the healing up, but whatever, I'll be out with friends so I'm not too concerned about them being visible. Will update when I have more developments :)
Ginger pubes had a plan this monday for Me to go round and shag the living daylights out of Him. His plan was foolproof apart from the fact that His dad was ill and took the day off work. Ho-hum. He'll have to wait aswell.
One thing that I wish would get gone quickly is My cuts, they are still red and angry on My left shoulder. The cuts on My right arm and shoulder are healing ok, but will be visible if i decide to wear the top that I want to on saturday. Sudocreme and cocoa butter are My tried and tested products for speeding the healing up, but whatever, I'll be out with friends so I'm not too concerned about them being visible. Will update when I have more developments :)
Sunday 1 November 2009
Thin red lines.
Well I don't have much of any interest to tell you. I got dressed up in My planned outfit and Myself, Bf, Ginger pubes and a friend whom I shall call Mr. Moon went into town and parked ourselves in the nearest pub garden. Before we left the house I asked Bf if I looked ok, He replyed with 'yeah, you look fine.' Ginger pubes was at our house when He said this and later in the pub when I had dissappeared to powder My nose he sent Me a text saying that He thought I looked beautiful even though bf did'nt say it. I returned to the garden and whispered My thanks to Him.Small comments like that can really lift a girls' spirits. I spent most of the night trying to be involved with the conversation but soon resorted to being drunk and silly, which causes much amusement between My friends. I felt like I was being ignored by Bf in favour of His friends who had turned up. He managed to take silly photos of His friends and Himself but not a single one of Me despite My asking. We went home early, had sex, then almost immediatly after He went to bed leaving Me talking to Minty all night.
Bf was'nt best pleased and woke up to shout abuse at Me during the night. He used harsh words and I felt really down at this point. I went to bed where we continued to argue and spit venomous comments at eachother until we fell asleep.
This morning I woke before Him and went to the bathroom. There are thin cuts on My shoulders and back. I did them with a stanley knife. They are covered by My clothes and Bf won't see them. They won't scar but they are very red and angry and they burn as though they have been rubbed with salt. This happens everytime I am coming towards the end of a relationship. Its a very bad habit to indulge in.
I woke bf up with a cup of tea and asked if he wanted any washing doing ( neurotic cleaning again ) We have been pleasant towards eachother all day although it it obvious to Him that I am deeply unhappy.
Bf was'nt best pleased and woke up to shout abuse at Me during the night. He used harsh words and I felt really down at this point. I went to bed where we continued to argue and spit venomous comments at eachother until we fell asleep.
This morning I woke before Him and went to the bathroom. There are thin cuts on My shoulders and back. I did them with a stanley knife. They are covered by My clothes and Bf won't see them. They won't scar but they are very red and angry and they burn as though they have been rubbed with salt. This happens everytime I am coming towards the end of a relationship. Its a very bad habit to indulge in.
I woke bf up with a cup of tea and asked if he wanted any washing doing ( neurotic cleaning again ) We have been pleasant towards eachother all day although it it obvious to Him that I am deeply unhappy.
Thursday 29 October 2009
So I guess I'm Monica...
How can I handle the stress and the possible implications of what I have done?? I clean. The day after My night in the alleyway I spent the whole day cleaning the oven, scrubbing the kitchen and having a jolly good clear out. I have turned My bedroom up-side down, repositioned furniture and even managed to wash the filters in the hoover. The only difference is that Monica from Friends cooks when She's stressed, but it's the neurotic part of Her character that I am familiar with.
Do I regret what I did with Ginger pubes? No, not at all. I regret that it happened in an alleyway and I regret that I am not single. But I do not regret it happening or that it happened with Him. I was slightly pissed off that He returned to the pub and announced to several workmates and friends exactly what had happened between us but damage control has covered us pretty well and so far I am without worry over what happened. I had last week off work and stayed out of the shop for the duration of My holiday. I wanted to let the rumours die down in My absence, which they did. Although on tuesday this week My manager was giving Me 'knowing' looks and I got the feeling that She was hoping that I would spill the beans when She was chatting to Me casually. No such luck!
So I am happy with My current situation. My biggest test so far will be this saturday on Halloween night when we are all going out again. I decided that I wanted to make an effort to get in the party spirit and have purchased Myself a sexy, black satin corset to wear with a rather too well fitting black satin skirt that I have never had the oppertunity to wear. The skirt shows off My best assett , which is My bum apparantly, and the corset just looks stunning. Tomorrow I will scour the shops for some new shoes, high and black to go with My outfit. Then it will be a small matter of dark eye make-up and amazing hair and I'll be ready to wow :) The look I'm going for is a sexy Morticia. However, Bf is also coming out with Me and we are going to meet Ginger pubes in a bar in town. Cue uncomfortable knot in stomach. Ginger pubes said that He was going to invite a girl from work to meet up with us at which I got insanely jealous. I don't really understand why I'm feeling this way. He is not exclusivly Mine as I am not His. Maybe I am developing some small feelings for Him? We get along so well and He makes Me smile when I see Him at work. I t could be more than good friends, fuck-buddies now I guess, but He's just not My type. We have spoken about the jealousy thing, i told him that I did'nt understand it and that it hurts Me when He talks about other girls at work that He wants to sleep with. It'll never happen, He's not alot of people's type, but it does'nt stop His comments from hurting Me and bringing out the green-eyed monster. Hopefully I will survive saturday with My dignity and relationship intact and maybe even manage to post a photo of Me in My outfit If My grasp of modern technology allows.
Another development this week has been with a friend I play an online game with. His game nickname is Minty. I have been chatting to Him quite a bit over the past few weeks and we have built up quite a close relationship through the web. No cyber-sex but a few flirty comments. I mentioned about the possible break-up of my relationship with my boyfriend ( things have been rather rocky recently, boulders in fact ) and that I wanted a baby. Yes I'm mad. I would love twin girls. Bf does'nt feel ready to have kids. My son is from a previous relationship. And if I were to split from Him, how long would it be before I could settle with a fella that wanted children? One option I considered was to be a single mum. All I would need would be a carefully selected sperm donor. I mentioned all this to Minty, I told Him that Ginger pubes was out of the question - He's too immature to deal with it and I don't want ginger babies. Capt Creepy is suitable - quite cute when He smiles, tall and dark skinned, but He's also a fucking weirdo and would probably want to marry Me or something scary like that. So it was that Minty offered Himself for the job. I was quite taken aback. He is 24, so not a child and He lives in kent. I have seen pictures of Him on facebook and He is'nt the elephant man that He described. Self confidence issues I guess. Perhaps in the future we could meet up if circumstances allow and maybe see what happens.
So I have gained Myself another admirer. I don't know how I do it. Maybe it's the offers of no-strings sex or maybe it's just the way I talk to men. I am not a beautiful girl-next door person. People have to actually want to talk to Me before they get to like Me. It's a bit strange and empowering at the same time. Anyway, I will post about how Halloween goes even if nothing spectacular happens and I may well include a picture of Myself if I get the oppertunity. But for now it's back to the neurotic cleaning, time to tackle the bathroom.....
Do I regret what I did with Ginger pubes? No, not at all. I regret that it happened in an alleyway and I regret that I am not single. But I do not regret it happening or that it happened with Him. I was slightly pissed off that He returned to the pub and announced to several workmates and friends exactly what had happened between us but damage control has covered us pretty well and so far I am without worry over what happened. I had last week off work and stayed out of the shop for the duration of My holiday. I wanted to let the rumours die down in My absence, which they did. Although on tuesday this week My manager was giving Me 'knowing' looks and I got the feeling that She was hoping that I would spill the beans when She was chatting to Me casually. No such luck!
So I am happy with My current situation. My biggest test so far will be this saturday on Halloween night when we are all going out again. I decided that I wanted to make an effort to get in the party spirit and have purchased Myself a sexy, black satin corset to wear with a rather too well fitting black satin skirt that I have never had the oppertunity to wear. The skirt shows off My best assett , which is My bum apparantly, and the corset just looks stunning. Tomorrow I will scour the shops for some new shoes, high and black to go with My outfit. Then it will be a small matter of dark eye make-up and amazing hair and I'll be ready to wow :) The look I'm going for is a sexy Morticia. However, Bf is also coming out with Me and we are going to meet Ginger pubes in a bar in town. Cue uncomfortable knot in stomach. Ginger pubes said that He was going to invite a girl from work to meet up with us at which I got insanely jealous. I don't really understand why I'm feeling this way. He is not exclusivly Mine as I am not His. Maybe I am developing some small feelings for Him? We get along so well and He makes Me smile when I see Him at work. I t could be more than good friends, fuck-buddies now I guess, but He's just not My type. We have spoken about the jealousy thing, i told him that I did'nt understand it and that it hurts Me when He talks about other girls at work that He wants to sleep with. It'll never happen, He's not alot of people's type, but it does'nt stop His comments from hurting Me and bringing out the green-eyed monster. Hopefully I will survive saturday with My dignity and relationship intact and maybe even manage to post a photo of Me in My outfit If My grasp of modern technology allows.
Another development this week has been with a friend I play an online game with. His game nickname is Minty. I have been chatting to Him quite a bit over the past few weeks and we have built up quite a close relationship through the web. No cyber-sex but a few flirty comments. I mentioned about the possible break-up of my relationship with my boyfriend ( things have been rather rocky recently, boulders in fact ) and that I wanted a baby. Yes I'm mad. I would love twin girls. Bf does'nt feel ready to have kids. My son is from a previous relationship. And if I were to split from Him, how long would it be before I could settle with a fella that wanted children? One option I considered was to be a single mum. All I would need would be a carefully selected sperm donor. I mentioned all this to Minty, I told Him that Ginger pubes was out of the question - He's too immature to deal with it and I don't want ginger babies. Capt Creepy is suitable - quite cute when He smiles, tall and dark skinned, but He's also a fucking weirdo and would probably want to marry Me or something scary like that. So it was that Minty offered Himself for the job. I was quite taken aback. He is 24, so not a child and He lives in kent. I have seen pictures of Him on facebook and He is'nt the elephant man that He described. Self confidence issues I guess. Perhaps in the future we could meet up if circumstances allow and maybe see what happens.
So I have gained Myself another admirer. I don't know how I do it. Maybe it's the offers of no-strings sex or maybe it's just the way I talk to men. I am not a beautiful girl-next door person. People have to actually want to talk to Me before they get to like Me. It's a bit strange and empowering at the same time. Anyway, I will post about how Halloween goes even if nothing spectacular happens and I may well include a picture of Myself if I get the oppertunity. But for now it's back to the neurotic cleaning, time to tackle the bathroom.....
Sunday 18 October 2009
Good girls go to Heaven.....
Ok, so I keep saying that I'm gonna do something and then I never do it. I never went to my colleagues' party and I never got up to mischeif with anyone in a layby. So I was determined to go out last night with Ginger pubes regardless of how I felt or whether my hair was behaving.
I got myself ready and arrived at the supermarket where we work to wait for Ginger pubes to finish work. We walked into town, Me being His arm-candy for the night, and parked ourselves in a pub garden. After a few drinks we were joined by Ms. Mucky and her bf Wee Man. More drinks were consumed and the conversation got more depraved with Ms. Mucky in our presence. Wee Man suggested we go inside for shots and we turned the small upstairs bar into a makeshift lap-dancing club inbetween downing shots. note to self - do not mix drinks.
I became increasingly drunk throught the evening and in the small hours myself and Ginger pubes decided to go outside for fresh air. we left the pub and wandered the opposite way to where our homes were. Ginger pubes reminded me that I still owed Him a birthday present and I knew what He had in mind. I did a mental scan for quiet places in the surrounding area and decided to drag Him down an alleyway that led to a public toilet block. The loo door was locked but there was an 'L' shaped wall that would provide enough discretion for what we needed so it was that we had found the perfect place.
I pushed him against the wall and started to kiss Him as I undid His jeans. My hand was on his cock as I continued to kiss Him. I told Him to listen out for passers-by and then dropped to My knees and took Him in My mouth. I gave Him head for a while then He pulled me up and kissed Me. He took a condom out of his pocket and I knew what was coming next. With necessary precautions in place, He turned Me around and pushed Me against the locked door. He pulled my skirt up and My knickers down to mid thigh, then entered Me. It felt amazing to have someone holding My hips and pushing themself into Me, a feeling of want for My body that I have'nt felt for a long time. We fucked against the locked door for a while, I was trying not to make too much noise as I was afraid that someone might discover us. When it became apparant that the alcohol was'nt going to allow Him to cum we called an end to it and went our seperate ways. I was already late to get home and had to try and sort myself out whilst running in heels through the backstreets of town.
So far the damage control has been minimal. Ginger pubes has already told Ms. Mucky, who has been sworn to secrecy. I may have some awkward questions to answer from My manager however, who saw us leave the pub and head in the wrong direction through town. She may not have noticed or cared, but it is another person who may say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time etc etc etc.
What a bad girl I have been, no Heaven for Me :)
I got myself ready and arrived at the supermarket where we work to wait for Ginger pubes to finish work. We walked into town, Me being His arm-candy for the night, and parked ourselves in a pub garden. After a few drinks we were joined by Ms. Mucky and her bf Wee Man. More drinks were consumed and the conversation got more depraved with Ms. Mucky in our presence. Wee Man suggested we go inside for shots and we turned the small upstairs bar into a makeshift lap-dancing club inbetween downing shots. note to self - do not mix drinks.
I became increasingly drunk throught the evening and in the small hours myself and Ginger pubes decided to go outside for fresh air. we left the pub and wandered the opposite way to where our homes were. Ginger pubes reminded me that I still owed Him a birthday present and I knew what He had in mind. I did a mental scan for quiet places in the surrounding area and decided to drag Him down an alleyway that led to a public toilet block. The loo door was locked but there was an 'L' shaped wall that would provide enough discretion for what we needed so it was that we had found the perfect place.
I pushed him against the wall and started to kiss Him as I undid His jeans. My hand was on his cock as I continued to kiss Him. I told Him to listen out for passers-by and then dropped to My knees and took Him in My mouth. I gave Him head for a while then He pulled me up and kissed Me. He took a condom out of his pocket and I knew what was coming next. With necessary precautions in place, He turned Me around and pushed Me against the locked door. He pulled my skirt up and My knickers down to mid thigh, then entered Me. It felt amazing to have someone holding My hips and pushing themself into Me, a feeling of want for My body that I have'nt felt for a long time. We fucked against the locked door for a while, I was trying not to make too much noise as I was afraid that someone might discover us. When it became apparant that the alcohol was'nt going to allow Him to cum we called an end to it and went our seperate ways. I was already late to get home and had to try and sort myself out whilst running in heels through the backstreets of town.
So far the damage control has been minimal. Ginger pubes has already told Ms. Mucky, who has been sworn to secrecy. I may have some awkward questions to answer from My manager however, who saw us leave the pub and head in the wrong direction through town. She may not have noticed or cared, but it is another person who may say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time etc etc etc.
What a bad girl I have been, no Heaven for Me :)
Friday 2 October 2009
This week's developments...
Well, what a week! I probably don't need to say that I did'nt go out for my workmates' leaving do. A bit upset at that and not only because of the mischeif potential. But this week has brought new developments. Ginger pubes will be having a birthday bash at a colleagues' house next weekend and I have offered to pick him up from his place (He lives in the sticks) and drive him there, we both know that we'll probably end up in a lay-by somewhere for a while and turn up late ;) I'm also giving him a lift home from work tonight because he's on the late shift with me so it will give us some good time to discuss current happenings etc ;)
But the real reason for giving him a lift is actually to provide myself with an alibi. This week I got an all too familiar e-mail via facebook saying 'hey sexy girl, hows you??' yup, Capt. Creepy is back on the scene. We had a mediocre conversation about work and general shop talk and then he said that He still 'wants' me. At which point the chat turned into admissions from him that He wants 'to fuck me hard' and 'feel my ass' and that He can't stop thinking about when we kissed and that He wants to do it again. He has obviously been looking at the checkouts schedule 'cos
He asked for a lift home tonight. Hence Ginger pubes being my alibi. I told Capt. Creepy that I still had problems at home (no word of a lie,I really do ) and the pressure He was putting on me has'nt helped me keep my head straight. It's weird how a conversation with Ginger pubes can casually slip into cyber sex and we can discuss all things unholy that He'd do to me, but as soon as Capt. Creepy mentions the same, I kinda get nauseous. Well I said that the lift home was'nt gonna happen as I deemed it a bad idea, but decided that I should string him along a bit. I said I would like to know Him better, I only know Him at work, where we only speak breifly and it's usually awkward. He agreed and has held back with some of the comments so far. Although He is convinced that He is the one that will make me happy beyond my dreams. I very much doubt this, I will always have something to complain about.
Capt. creepy is also aware of my very close friendship with Ginger pubes. And I think I saw a hint of jealousy shining through. I just feel more at ease with Ginger pubes, I can discuss all manner of things with Him and He has been my confidente and shoulder to cry on throughout the last few months whilst my BF is suffering depression. Although Ginger pubes says He wants to rip my clothes off and 'ruin' me, He also has a very sensual side. I told Him the other day that what I really needed was a massage to relax me and a slow, gentle fuck where I just feel loved and wanted. He said He would be honoured to do that for me. I guess with Ginger pubes it shows how we are so close as friends and that connection is gonna feel stronger when we finally have sex. Not that I've gone all girly and 'lets just hug'. His hugs are great, and He's big so I will love being crushed under Him which really turns me on. Whereas Capt. Creepy just has this animalistic drive to fuck me, or anyone for that matter.
I will try to update more often with developments, if any happen of course :)
But the real reason for giving him a lift is actually to provide myself with an alibi. This week I got an all too familiar e-mail via facebook saying 'hey sexy girl, hows you??' yup, Capt. Creepy is back on the scene. We had a mediocre conversation about work and general shop talk and then he said that He still 'wants' me. At which point the chat turned into admissions from him that He wants 'to fuck me hard' and 'feel my ass' and that He can't stop thinking about when we kissed and that He wants to do it again. He has obviously been looking at the checkouts schedule 'cos
He asked for a lift home tonight. Hence Ginger pubes being my alibi. I told Capt. Creepy that I still had problems at home (no word of a lie,I really do ) and the pressure He was putting on me has'nt helped me keep my head straight. It's weird how a conversation with Ginger pubes can casually slip into cyber sex and we can discuss all things unholy that He'd do to me, but as soon as Capt. Creepy mentions the same, I kinda get nauseous. Well I said that the lift home was'nt gonna happen as I deemed it a bad idea, but decided that I should string him along a bit. I said I would like to know Him better, I only know Him at work, where we only speak breifly and it's usually awkward. He agreed and has held back with some of the comments so far. Although He is convinced that He is the one that will make me happy beyond my dreams. I very much doubt this, I will always have something to complain about.
Capt. creepy is also aware of my very close friendship with Ginger pubes. And I think I saw a hint of jealousy shining through. I just feel more at ease with Ginger pubes, I can discuss all manner of things with Him and He has been my confidente and shoulder to cry on throughout the last few months whilst my BF is suffering depression. Although Ginger pubes says He wants to rip my clothes off and 'ruin' me, He also has a very sensual side. I told Him the other day that what I really needed was a massage to relax me and a slow, gentle fuck where I just feel loved and wanted. He said He would be honoured to do that for me. I guess with Ginger pubes it shows how we are so close as friends and that connection is gonna feel stronger when we finally have sex. Not that I've gone all girly and 'lets just hug'. His hugs are great, and He's big so I will love being crushed under Him which really turns me on. Whereas Capt. Creepy just has this animalistic drive to fuck me, or anyone for that matter.
I will try to update more often with developments, if any happen of course :)
Thursday 10 September 2009
Impending misdemeanors...
Ok, so here's what's going on so far this week. Ginger pubes has been trying to convince me to go to a colleagues' leaving do this saturday night. To be honest I would love to go, Bf is'nt so sure because I threw a hissy fit when he wanted to go out and I'm slightly concerned that I'll get up to too much mischeif. Mother can't babysit so I would be sans Bf for the night. Ginger pubes has said that if He gets the opportunity He'll drag me down an alleyway and fuck me there. It sounds quite exciting to be carted off to somewhere dark and indulge in a little fake-rape fantasy, but my pratical side is worried about being discovered by police or coming home with marks on my knees etc that I can't make up valid excuses for :S . I promised Ginger pubes a blowjob if circumstance allows on the night, as all the well known al fresco shagging spots in our town are either patrolled by police or used by other shaggers. This is all dependent on whether or not I'm allowed out on my own, I will have to be a good girl for Bf to convince him :). Ginger pubes has also suggested that I go to his place on monday mornings. This could be a good idea, his parents will be at work as will my Bf, and sprog will be at school. No-one need know where I am as they will assume that I'm at home asleep. This would be the only opportunity we would get to indulge in some of the things we have been discussing via facebook messenger. Better than an alleyway any day. I have certain issues however that this would be far too pre-meditated, at least when I'm out I can blame too many rums for making me randy and having a loss of judgement and sense. A weak excuse I know, But it's all I have. Will update when things develop :)
Thursday 3 September 2009
Puppy dog
It turns out that after our antics the other weekend, Ginger pubes has decided to become my puppy dog :). He is spending as much time as possible with me at work and is always on facebook chatting to me. He told another work colleague that He really fancies me,but apparantly it is more than just a crush. Jeez, you let a guy stick his fingers in your pussy and he goes and falls in love with you, what's a girl to do?.
Secretly I'm loving all the attention and it is'nt irritating at the moment. When we chat on facebook it usually turns into cyber sex where I tell him what to do to me and He masturbates. At work He always manages to place his hand on my ass and make a cute comment about it. He is always available for a reassuring hug when I need one aswell, which has been quite often recently. I enjoy the fact that as His supervisor at work I can demand things of Him and He complys, although His 'older woman' comments have made me feel a little like Mrs Robinson despite there only being a 7 year age gap. I guess He was about 10 years old when I was pregnant with my son, seems scary when you work time out in that way.
Ginger pubes is a really sweet guy, quite mature for His age compared to other guys, definatly a thinker. I kinda played with His emotions after the other night though. My period was about a week late and after what we got up to there was the slimmest chance that He could have made me pregnant. I told Him and He understood what a disaster this could mean to both our lives, although I get up to all this mischeif I could never hurt my bf to that degree. After a week of feeling nausious my period finally happened at about 3am on friday morning, I texted Him immediatly and He gave me the cold shoulder for about 8 hours. We chatted over texts and He said He was both relieved and a little saddened that I was'nt pregnant, He knew I would'nt have just dumped my bf and let Him move in with me to play happy families. And I could'nt have gone through with the pregnancy not knowing who the father was. I shall wait and see how this develops as there is another night of drunken debauchery planned in the next couple weeks :)
Secretly I'm loving all the attention and it is'nt irritating at the moment. When we chat on facebook it usually turns into cyber sex where I tell him what to do to me and He masturbates. At work He always manages to place his hand on my ass and make a cute comment about it. He is always available for a reassuring hug when I need one aswell, which has been quite often recently. I enjoy the fact that as His supervisor at work I can demand things of Him and He complys, although His 'older woman' comments have made me feel a little like Mrs Robinson despite there only being a 7 year age gap. I guess He was about 10 years old when I was pregnant with my son, seems scary when you work time out in that way.
Ginger pubes is a really sweet guy, quite mature for His age compared to other guys, definatly a thinker. I kinda played with His emotions after the other night though. My period was about a week late and after what we got up to there was the slimmest chance that He could have made me pregnant. I told Him and He understood what a disaster this could mean to both our lives, although I get up to all this mischeif I could never hurt my bf to that degree. After a week of feeling nausious my period finally happened at about 3am on friday morning, I texted Him immediatly and He gave me the cold shoulder for about 8 hours. We chatted over texts and He said He was both relieved and a little saddened that I was'nt pregnant, He knew I would'nt have just dumped my bf and let Him move in with me to play happy families. And I could'nt have gone through with the pregnancy not knowing who the father was. I shall wait and see how this develops as there is another night of drunken debauchery planned in the next couple weeks :)
Saturday 15 August 2009
Payday misdemeanors
Well, my plans to be a devoted, loyal girlfriend got thrown straight out the window last night.
It was payday, which means there is usually a good amount of supermarket employees drinking away their hard earned cash in one of the town's few pubs. Ms. Mucky had decided to go out without her bf and had convinced me to let my hair down too. My bf was on a stag weekend in another county and Sprog was at his Nan's for the whole night. I invited Ms. Mucky to stay on my couch as taxi fares to where she lives are extortionate at the best of times, let alone at 3am.
I finished work at 10pm, rushed home and squeezed myself into my pencil skirt and black tee which I teamed up with 4inch wedge slingbacks and out the door I went. The evening started off quietly as I met up with Ms. Mucky and Ginger pubes (another colleague) in 'spoons. After a couple rums I was feeling more relaxed and we were met by Yarp the car park boy. We were now two girls and two boys, the conversation soon got sexual and after a few more drinks Ms. Mucky was simulating a lap-dance on Yarp's lap.
We moved to another bar which was far too crowded, the boys were feeling my backside and often their wandering hands went to other places too. Ms. Mucky planted a lovebite on my breast, kissed me to turn the boys on and also decided to suck my nipple. It was only to be expected, it is one of her party tricks.
Before long we had left the bar and were all making our way to my place. Us 2 girls just wanted to crash out in my bed and get some sleep, the boys had other ideas. After waking up other colleagues who lived nearby and generally causing a ruckus we made it to my place. The boys jumped into my bed which left us girls the only option of sleeping in the middle with the hope to boot them out later after a couple gropes. Our plan failed.
There was much wandering of hands, Ginger pubes was next to me, my leg over his, and his hand between my legs. I could feel his erection against my thigh, he had put his hand in my knickers and started to play. I returned the favour to him trying to keep as still and quiet as possible out of respect for my fellow bedmates, I don't know why I bothered as they were probably doing the same. Ginger pubes was still playing with me and kissing my neck, I was wet and he pushed his finger inside of me. I could have screamed with pleasure as he moved in and out, he pushed two fingers inside of me and if we had been alone I would have done everything to that boy. Absolute drunken fumbling heaven.
He took my hand off his cock and tried to enter me, I would have loved it, but the angle of our bodies was all wrong and no space to re-arrange ourselves with 2 other people in the same bed. After a couple unsuccsesful attempts I called an end to our fumbling and let him play with my nipple as we drifted to sleep, entangled with eachother.
I'm pretty sure that by this evening news of our party in town would have spread throughout the whole store. Especially as Ms. Mucky was sucking the nipple of one of our other female colleagues in the pub garden. News and rumours will spread about us 2 naughty supervisors :)
It was payday, which means there is usually a good amount of supermarket employees drinking away their hard earned cash in one of the town's few pubs. Ms. Mucky had decided to go out without her bf and had convinced me to let my hair down too. My bf was on a stag weekend in another county and Sprog was at his Nan's for the whole night. I invited Ms. Mucky to stay on my couch as taxi fares to where she lives are extortionate at the best of times, let alone at 3am.
I finished work at 10pm, rushed home and squeezed myself into my pencil skirt and black tee which I teamed up with 4inch wedge slingbacks and out the door I went. The evening started off quietly as I met up with Ms. Mucky and Ginger pubes (another colleague) in 'spoons. After a couple rums I was feeling more relaxed and we were met by Yarp the car park boy. We were now two girls and two boys, the conversation soon got sexual and after a few more drinks Ms. Mucky was simulating a lap-dance on Yarp's lap.
We moved to another bar which was far too crowded, the boys were feeling my backside and often their wandering hands went to other places too. Ms. Mucky planted a lovebite on my breast, kissed me to turn the boys on and also decided to suck my nipple. It was only to be expected, it is one of her party tricks.
Before long we had left the bar and were all making our way to my place. Us 2 girls just wanted to crash out in my bed and get some sleep, the boys had other ideas. After waking up other colleagues who lived nearby and generally causing a ruckus we made it to my place. The boys jumped into my bed which left us girls the only option of sleeping in the middle with the hope to boot them out later after a couple gropes. Our plan failed.
There was much wandering of hands, Ginger pubes was next to me, my leg over his, and his hand between my legs. I could feel his erection against my thigh, he had put his hand in my knickers and started to play. I returned the favour to him trying to keep as still and quiet as possible out of respect for my fellow bedmates, I don't know why I bothered as they were probably doing the same. Ginger pubes was still playing with me and kissing my neck, I was wet and he pushed his finger inside of me. I could have screamed with pleasure as he moved in and out, he pushed two fingers inside of me and if we had been alone I would have done everything to that boy. Absolute drunken fumbling heaven.
He took my hand off his cock and tried to enter me, I would have loved it, but the angle of our bodies was all wrong and no space to re-arrange ourselves with 2 other people in the same bed. After a couple unsuccsesful attempts I called an end to our fumbling and let him play with my nipple as we drifted to sleep, entangled with eachother.
I'm pretty sure that by this evening news of our party in town would have spread throughout the whole store. Especially as Ms. Mucky was sucking the nipple of one of our other female colleagues in the pub garden. News and rumours will spread about us 2 naughty supervisors :)
Thursday 13 August 2009
The current checkout girl update
I have realised over the past 4 years of my employment that it is very easy to be respected, loved, envied, hated and admired by many members of the same team.I am the perfect age to be respectful to my elders, childish and fun enough to get along with the teenagers, I can keep a secret for the more cautious middle aged staff and have a sensible head for when my Manager is nearby. I am not overly pretty or plain looking, have sensible curves which make me fit in the 'not too thin' category and mid-length brown hair.
So why did I suddenly become the centre of a male colleagues attention?
One of the males,I shall refer to him as Cpt. Creepy, started to send me little messages on a well known social networking site. We had never really spoken before at work other than to pass the time of day or to enquire about various stock for customers. Then I would log on to the site and there would be a 'Hello' message from Him. The messages evolved from the topic of 'how was work?' to 'looking foward to seeing you at the staff party' until the messages erupted into full blown cyber-sex. This swift turn-around in instant messaging took place over a matter of weeks and although I was becoming uncomfortable with the increasingly sexual content of the messages, it put a smile on my face whenever i walked past him at work.
We still did'nt talk at work. He would take a different route when moving stock around the store to make sure he went past the checkouts as often as possible. I would happily wander into his department to make customer enquiries, whereas in the past the telephone was good enough for a quick stock check.
It came to an almost abrubt end when he started hasseling me to visit his flat for 'coffee'. Usually coffee at a friend's house is fine by me, but 'coffee' with inverted commas just is'nt my thing. No matter how tempting, I regard it as cheating and it would destroy my relationship with my Bf. I offered him a lift home so we could talk about my reluctance to ruin my homelife, we parked outside his place and he tried to kiss me. So I freaked out. He went to his flat and I went home to my Bf. It could have been the perfect affair,but alas, I preffered to string him along and then turn crazy at the end :)
He deleted me from his freinds list on the networking site and continued not speak to me at work. Very grown up for a man 8 years my senior.
After speaking to my colleague Ms. Mucky I managed to gather some rather damning information about Cpt. Creepy's behaviour towards women workers in our store. He had been moved from one department because of stalking a young female employee and is now manager on the only male-only department in the store. Many other girls had been approached by him with a single text saying 'Hello,how's you??' or and instant message on a networking site or e-mail etc. It all began to sound very familiar. He did'nt have a type, just female would do. So maybe a few acts of revenge for my fellow sisters that had suffered his attentions would be in order, I just have to decide what to do and how to do it :S
So why did I suddenly become the centre of a male colleagues attention?
One of the males,I shall refer to him as Cpt. Creepy, started to send me little messages on a well known social networking site. We had never really spoken before at work other than to pass the time of day or to enquire about various stock for customers. Then I would log on to the site and there would be a 'Hello' message from Him. The messages evolved from the topic of 'how was work?' to 'looking foward to seeing you at the staff party' until the messages erupted into full blown cyber-sex. This swift turn-around in instant messaging took place over a matter of weeks and although I was becoming uncomfortable with the increasingly sexual content of the messages, it put a smile on my face whenever i walked past him at work.
We still did'nt talk at work. He would take a different route when moving stock around the store to make sure he went past the checkouts as often as possible. I would happily wander into his department to make customer enquiries, whereas in the past the telephone was good enough for a quick stock check.
It came to an almost abrubt end when he started hasseling me to visit his flat for 'coffee'. Usually coffee at a friend's house is fine by me, but 'coffee' with inverted commas just is'nt my thing. No matter how tempting, I regard it as cheating and it would destroy my relationship with my Bf. I offered him a lift home so we could talk about my reluctance to ruin my homelife, we parked outside his place and he tried to kiss me. So I freaked out. He went to his flat and I went home to my Bf. It could have been the perfect affair,but alas, I preffered to string him along and then turn crazy at the end :)
He deleted me from his freinds list on the networking site and continued not speak to me at work. Very grown up for a man 8 years my senior.
After speaking to my colleague Ms. Mucky I managed to gather some rather damning information about Cpt. Creepy's behaviour towards women workers in our store. He had been moved from one department because of stalking a young female employee and is now manager on the only male-only department in the store. Many other girls had been approached by him with a single text saying 'Hello,how's you??' or and instant message on a networking site or e-mail etc. It all began to sound very familiar. He did'nt have a type, just female would do. So maybe a few acts of revenge for my fellow sisters that had suffered his attentions would be in order, I just have to decide what to do and how to do it :S
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
