Thursday, 3 February 2011

Not yours, Mine.

I would say that I have a jealous streak in My character, or perhaps just a bit too overprotective. If something is mine, then it is definatly mine and you can't have it. Not even to borrow. There are few things to which this rule is paramount - My biros/pens, My time and My boyfriend.
This little episode started pretty much when I got together with 'M'. There is a mutual friend at work who was over the moon for us when we got together, she was also the first person I confided in when I found out I was pregnant. She and 'M' have worked together at the store before I really got to know either of them so they have been really good friends since then. She has a bubbly, flirty personality and is kind helpfull and supportive to all her friends. In fact there probably is'nt a bad bone in her body which also makes me feel totally unreasonable at the moment.
Some of her comments are a bit too flirty. She is very touchy-feely, she'll touch 'M's arm when she's talking to him. She has made other comments which may be innocent about running off with 'M' and I know she is only joking. But it makes Me see red instantly. When they are both on a late shift, she will spend most of the evening on the phone to his department nattering to him. When I'm on a late shift with 'M' I get on with My job. If he has done something different with his hair she'll say ''Ohh, I like your hair'' and then fiddle with it. Inside I'm screaming ''GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!!!!!'' on the outside I force a very fake smile and suggest she go and earn her wages.
This has been going on for a few months and has slowly been eating away at Me. I mentioned it to other colleagues and they replyed just as I expected them to: ''Oh don't worry about it, she's like that with everyone'' and other comments about how she's always flirty and over-friendly. Ok then. So I'll just put up with it shall I??
Yesterday was the final straw. She came round to the supervisor desk all bubbly and excited and asked if she could go on her break at that time so she could spend it with 'M'. My smile faded to a look of stony hatred as I slammed the paperwork I was holding onto the desk. My manager and co-supervisor went silent and looked from Me to her and back again waiting to see what I'd do. ''yeah, why not'' I said, trying to keep it professional. Because after all it was a personal issue and not a work one that was the problem here. She knew something had upset Me and said she'd take her break later but I made her go just to get rid of her. I muttered under My breath that just because her Bf was'nt there did'nt mean that she had free liberty to borrow mine. I spent the rest of My shift avoiding her and just getting on with My work. I would speak to her because within work it is'nt an issue really, just a personal one. 'M' also thought that he had upset Me. I explained it all to him when he got home. He said that she has always been like that. I replyed that Hitler was always a power hungry, racist little shit but some people did'nt want to put up with that either.
I know there is'nt anything going on other than her flirty comments and and touchy-feely arm patting etc and she did'nt realise that it annnoyed me because it was done in innocence. But it get's right up My snout and enrages Me. At least I can blame My hormones for overreacting when I start breaking peoples faces over this.

Friday, 29 October 2010

Then there were 3, well...4, technically.

Ok, just a quick update. Had My scan this morning which shows that everything is happy and normal and that I am 12 weeks along :) Which means that 'M' is responsible for all this :) He does keep apologising everytime I feel sick or unhappy about it all. He has pratically moved in, in respect that the X-box has arrived and I am now doing His washing. Looks like a happy family?? Well it kinda is. I guess I still think that it's all gonna come crashing down and I'll be left on My own to cope. I get depressed and can't see how it's going to work out, but I don't seem to have the courage to tell 'M' that. We shall see. So it's just one baby. One happy family of four when our new addition arrives in early may :)

Monday, 13 September 2010

Oh fuck...

Beware, this post may suffer from 'to much information' syndrome, and for that I apologise in advance.
The last time I slept with Minty was towards the end of july, and I'm pretty sure we were carefull. I then had my period at the start of august, between the first and 7th of the month at a rough guess. I remember being snappy when Minty was down and that's a sure sign that certain things are iminent. I then slept with 'M' after my period, somepoint in the early part of august. Yes I know, what a whore, please bear with me. By my calculations I should have had my next period at the start of september somewhere. But I did'nt. I remember feeling extremley tired even though I was sleeping well, My breasts hurt like they do before that time of the month and I even had some tummy pain which to me is an indication that it's on it's way. But nothing. I confided in a female colleague and she got excited and joked that I might be pregnant. Oh fuck. So I waited a bit longer. I'm not one for checking dates and marking my periods on a calendar. Hindsight is a glorious thing because I wish I had now. I fail at womanhood.
So this evening I took a test. And it came up as positive. I did some date checking and it is possible that I could be up to 2 weeks late for my period. There is also a niggling feeling at the back of my mind that if I am pregnant, it could be Minty's. I don't know why I'm thinking like that but it is a slim possibility and whilst I'm worrying I may aswell just add to the heap of things to worry about :S
I phoned 'M' and told him everything. He was shocked. I said I would get a Dr's appointment tomorrow and we'll see from there. He phoned me back about an hour later and asked if I was winding him up. He then phoned me back again and asked to come with me to the Dr's. Bless him. I don't know what his opinion on children is. He gets on really well with my son but he said that he'd like children at somepoint in the future. I'm guessing he meant further than 9 months in the future though.
I guess I'll have to wait and see what the Doc tells me tomorrow. Because I know that the home pregnancy tests are'nt 100% reliable. But everything else points to me being in the club so to speak. I will keep you posted :)

Friday, 20 August 2010

Are we a couple yet??

The last few months have been a bit of emotional rollercoaster for Me to say the least. I have felt like I have fallen in and out of love and heartache like a yoyo and all the while I have had a friend in 'M' with Me. He's the one who promised Me a smile and sent Me a huge bunch of flowers. He was scared to tell Me that he really likes Me in case I never spoke to him again. When we were watching a film on My sofa he said that all he wanted to do was lean across and kiss Me. I managed to add to the romance of the evening by yawning all night and nearly falling asleep on his shoulder :S What can I say? I was'nt impressed by Avatar :P
'M' is produce supervisor at My store. He did apply for supervisor on chuckouts which would have meant working alongside Me. Probably a good job now that he's on a different department. My chuckouts manager fancies the pants off him and scowls at Me when I mention that we went out to the pub/cinema/meal/mini-golf/romantic moonlit walk along the beach lalalalaaa... you get the picture. Most of the girls at work say I should just go for it, jump straight in, scream 'yes, I'm yours!' But I'm somewhat emotionally retarded. Once bitten, twice shy perhaps?
We have spent several friday nights in My favourite bar after doing late shift together. 'M' lives out of town so would kip at Mine if he wanted to drink. To start with he crashed on the sofa. One night he asked to sleep in My bed, he warned Me that he might cuddle Me in the night but nothing else. I had no problem with this. I don't mind sharing My bed with a friend providing that they don't snore or steal the duvet. So after that, when he would stay, he always slept in My bed. Sometimes 'accidently' cuddling Me in the night. He would always apologise in the morning. One night we tucked ourselves into My bed, in our pj's and turned the light out. He said 'where are you? I want a cuddle' we snuggled up together and then he kissed Me. My heart did that crazy little fluttery thing and I knew that I was gonna have feelings for this guy. When he stopped kissing Me he said 'you've no idea how long I've wanted to do that'. I smiled. I felt elated. He adores Me. He's made Me feel like a 16 year old again, everything seems new and a little unfamiliar. Last week he stayed in My bed again and we actually slept together for the first time. He was kissing Me and running his hand along the side of My body. I felt so comfortable in his company and it kinda went from there. Although it was the kind of nervous, first time sex that I have'nt had since I was a teenager. I don't know how many sexual partners he has had, and it does'nt really matter to Me. Although I suspect it is less than My grand total. He seems to be the kind of guy who finds a girl and then falls in love with her. I can see a nice home, a few well behaved beautiful children and 'M' as doting husband.
Last night as we lay in bed post coital, he asked Me a question... 'Are we a couple yet? Or is it still a bit confusing?' Errrrrmmmm :S :S :S I was'nt too sure how to answer it, He then asked Me what I wanted. I told him that I did'nt want to be hurt again. Because things are great when they're going good, but the heartache and pain when it all goes wrong is unbearable. He told Me that he would'nt ever hurt Me. I smiled. We left it as that. A sort-of, nearly, almost relationship. I think I will take the advice of My girlfriends at work. I will jump straight in. Eyes closed, feet first, ready to fall. I just need a little push.

Monday, 9 August 2010

Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore.

I have'nt shed a tear. I don't think I will this time. I have learnt that time is too precious for arguements and hurt. Hurt is too painfull and such a waste of My time. I don't want to be hurt again.
So this chapter of Me and Minty has ended. In fact the entire book has ended. I still want to be friends but I don't think we'll meet again. I don't think it would be wise. I'll miss him. I'll miss his hugs and kisses, the times we slept together, the times we just hugged in bed and the excitement I felt when I knew he was about to arrive on My doorstep. I'll even miss the sadness after he had gone, when I'd be wanting him to come back to Me.
But I'm not going to cast him out of My life. If he wants to talk to Me then he can. He knows where I am online or by text. I can't spend moments like that with someone that I cared for so much and then just abandon them without looking back. But I will keep him at an arms length, just to spare My heart from any more damage. I can only be happy for the time we spent together and how happy he made Me when he was with Me. Many people would'nt have experienced that in a lifetime, at least I had it for a few months.

Sunday, 8 August 2010

What Katie did.

Or rather, what she said... ''He does'nt even like Sam, He's just desperate''.
So you're allowed to talk about me behind My back, bitch about Me and slag Me off?? I guess it's ok if you don't like someone. I think we've found the traitor in your little group of 'friends', but you don't trust anyone anymore anyway so I guess it does'nt matter. Thanks for using Me and leading Me on. Thanks for causing Me unnecessary heartache. I've learnt My lesson now.

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Sometimes Facebook makes Me want to rip My eyes out....

Don't get Me wrong, I like social networking sites. If they are used to keep in touch with friends or family. If they are used to group people together like workmates or social groups. But recently I have found them to be irritating. I abandoned Myspace because of random friend requests and spam and such. Too many immature teenagers saying nothing but crap. Facebook is unfortunatly the same. It makes Me want to rip My eyes out when I see some of the crap that gets posted on My friends walls. I have blocked one friend for her almost obsessive game requests and the constant updates about the crap that her kids get up to. I'm not fussed if one of them has just fallen down the stairs, get away from the pc and look after your damn children!
Also Facebook has done nothing but fuel My hatred and intolerance towards most teenage girls. Usually in the 16 - 19 year old age range. They repetitivley spam other people's pages with intolerable crap that could quite easily be sent in one e-mail. They all type in fluent text-speak which is verging on the illiterate and is only readable by those who have a degree from the carphone whorehouse. Do boys find this cute or endearing? If anybody spoke to me like that or was quite so bubbly and chirpy whilst babbling on about total crap I would feel entitled to punch them. I have recently blocked another friend because of the amount of crap on their page posted by offenders in this age range. Hopefully in september, when the kids are back at school or college, Facebook will be relieved of this constant attack of innane waffle.