Friday, 20 August 2010

Are we a couple yet??

The last few months have been a bit of emotional rollercoaster for Me to say the least. I have felt like I have fallen in and out of love and heartache like a yoyo and all the while I have had a friend in 'M' with Me. He's the one who promised Me a smile and sent Me a huge bunch of flowers. He was scared to tell Me that he really likes Me in case I never spoke to him again. When we were watching a film on My sofa he said that all he wanted to do was lean across and kiss Me. I managed to add to the romance of the evening by yawning all night and nearly falling asleep on his shoulder :S What can I say? I was'nt impressed by Avatar :P
'M' is produce supervisor at My store. He did apply for supervisor on chuckouts which would have meant working alongside Me. Probably a good job now that he's on a different department. My chuckouts manager fancies the pants off him and scowls at Me when I mention that we went out to the pub/cinema/meal/mini-golf/romantic moonlit walk along the beach lalalalaaa... you get the picture. Most of the girls at work say I should just go for it, jump straight in, scream 'yes, I'm yours!' But I'm somewhat emotionally retarded. Once bitten, twice shy perhaps?
We have spent several friday nights in My favourite bar after doing late shift together. 'M' lives out of town so would kip at Mine if he wanted to drink. To start with he crashed on the sofa. One night he asked to sleep in My bed, he warned Me that he might cuddle Me in the night but nothing else. I had no problem with this. I don't mind sharing My bed with a friend providing that they don't snore or steal the duvet. So after that, when he would stay, he always slept in My bed. Sometimes 'accidently' cuddling Me in the night. He would always apologise in the morning. One night we tucked ourselves into My bed, in our pj's and turned the light out. He said 'where are you? I want a cuddle' we snuggled up together and then he kissed Me. My heart did that crazy little fluttery thing and I knew that I was gonna have feelings for this guy. When he stopped kissing Me he said 'you've no idea how long I've wanted to do that'. I smiled. I felt elated. He adores Me. He's made Me feel like a 16 year old again, everything seems new and a little unfamiliar. Last week he stayed in My bed again and we actually slept together for the first time. He was kissing Me and running his hand along the side of My body. I felt so comfortable in his company and it kinda went from there. Although it was the kind of nervous, first time sex that I have'nt had since I was a teenager. I don't know how many sexual partners he has had, and it does'nt really matter to Me. Although I suspect it is less than My grand total. He seems to be the kind of guy who finds a girl and then falls in love with her. I can see a nice home, a few well behaved beautiful children and 'M' as doting husband.
Last night as we lay in bed post coital, he asked Me a question... 'Are we a couple yet? Or is it still a bit confusing?' Errrrrmmmm :S :S :S I was'nt too sure how to answer it, He then asked Me what I wanted. I told him that I did'nt want to be hurt again. Because things are great when they're going good, but the heartache and pain when it all goes wrong is unbearable. He told Me that he would'nt ever hurt Me. I smiled. We left it as that. A sort-of, nearly, almost relationship. I think I will take the advice of My girlfriends at work. I will jump straight in. Eyes closed, feet first, ready to fall. I just need a little push.


  1. Oh hun-you are doing great-you sound like me-I never jump in-gotta make sure they make your heart flutter. It sound like he does- he sounds good- I think you are scared and you have every right to be, but that does not mean you can swear men off-just tread lightly and proceed with caution-don't let that guard down and you will be fine-but for dogs sake-say yes!

  2. Oh, you're a beautiful writer with the soul of a poet. Fear not, tread softly, keep moving

  3. yea, life still goes on. don't sweat it too much ~