Friday, 20 August 2010

Are we a couple yet??

The last few months have been a bit of emotional rollercoaster for Me to say the least. I have felt like I have fallen in and out of love and heartache like a yoyo and all the while I have had a friend in 'M' with Me. He's the one who promised Me a smile and sent Me a huge bunch of flowers. He was scared to tell Me that he really likes Me in case I never spoke to him again. When we were watching a film on My sofa he said that all he wanted to do was lean across and kiss Me. I managed to add to the romance of the evening by yawning all night and nearly falling asleep on his shoulder :S What can I say? I was'nt impressed by Avatar :P
'M' is produce supervisor at My store. He did apply for supervisor on chuckouts which would have meant working alongside Me. Probably a good job now that he's on a different department. My chuckouts manager fancies the pants off him and scowls at Me when I mention that we went out to the pub/cinema/meal/mini-golf/romantic moonlit walk along the beach lalalalaaa... you get the picture. Most of the girls at work say I should just go for it, jump straight in, scream 'yes, I'm yours!' But I'm somewhat emotionally retarded. Once bitten, twice shy perhaps?
We have spent several friday nights in My favourite bar after doing late shift together. 'M' lives out of town so would kip at Mine if he wanted to drink. To start with he crashed on the sofa. One night he asked to sleep in My bed, he warned Me that he might cuddle Me in the night but nothing else. I had no problem with this. I don't mind sharing My bed with a friend providing that they don't snore or steal the duvet. So after that, when he would stay, he always slept in My bed. Sometimes 'accidently' cuddling Me in the night. He would always apologise in the morning. One night we tucked ourselves into My bed, in our pj's and turned the light out. He said 'where are you? I want a cuddle' we snuggled up together and then he kissed Me. My heart did that crazy little fluttery thing and I knew that I was gonna have feelings for this guy. When he stopped kissing Me he said 'you've no idea how long I've wanted to do that'. I smiled. I felt elated. He adores Me. He's made Me feel like a 16 year old again, everything seems new and a little unfamiliar. Last week he stayed in My bed again and we actually slept together for the first time. He was kissing Me and running his hand along the side of My body. I felt so comfortable in his company and it kinda went from there. Although it was the kind of nervous, first time sex that I have'nt had since I was a teenager. I don't know how many sexual partners he has had, and it does'nt really matter to Me. Although I suspect it is less than My grand total. He seems to be the kind of guy who finds a girl and then falls in love with her. I can see a nice home, a few well behaved beautiful children and 'M' as doting husband.
Last night as we lay in bed post coital, he asked Me a question... 'Are we a couple yet? Or is it still a bit confusing?' Errrrrmmmm :S :S :S I was'nt too sure how to answer it, He then asked Me what I wanted. I told him that I did'nt want to be hurt again. Because things are great when they're going good, but the heartache and pain when it all goes wrong is unbearable. He told Me that he would'nt ever hurt Me. I smiled. We left it as that. A sort-of, nearly, almost relationship. I think I will take the advice of My girlfriends at work. I will jump straight in. Eyes closed, feet first, ready to fall. I just need a little push.

Monday, 9 August 2010

Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore.

I have'nt shed a tear. I don't think I will this time. I have learnt that time is too precious for arguements and hurt. Hurt is too painfull and such a waste of My time. I don't want to be hurt again.
So this chapter of Me and Minty has ended. In fact the entire book has ended. I still want to be friends but I don't think we'll meet again. I don't think it would be wise. I'll miss him. I'll miss his hugs and kisses, the times we slept together, the times we just hugged in bed and the excitement I felt when I knew he was about to arrive on My doorstep. I'll even miss the sadness after he had gone, when I'd be wanting him to come back to Me.
But I'm not going to cast him out of My life. If he wants to talk to Me then he can. He knows where I am online or by text. I can't spend moments like that with someone that I cared for so much and then just abandon them without looking back. But I will keep him at an arms length, just to spare My heart from any more damage. I can only be happy for the time we spent together and how happy he made Me when he was with Me. Many people would'nt have experienced that in a lifetime, at least I had it for a few months.

Sunday, 8 August 2010

What Katie did.

Or rather, what she said... ''He does'nt even like Sam, He's just desperate''.
So you're allowed to talk about me behind My back, bitch about Me and slag Me off?? I guess it's ok if you don't like someone. I think we've found the traitor in your little group of 'friends', but you don't trust anyone anymore anyway so I guess it does'nt matter. Thanks for using Me and leading Me on. Thanks for causing Me unnecessary heartache. I've learnt My lesson now.

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Sometimes Facebook makes Me want to rip My eyes out....

Don't get Me wrong, I like social networking sites. If they are used to keep in touch with friends or family. If they are used to group people together like workmates or social groups. But recently I have found them to be irritating. I abandoned Myspace because of random friend requests and spam and such. Too many immature teenagers saying nothing but crap. Facebook is unfortunatly the same. It makes Me want to rip My eyes out when I see some of the crap that gets posted on My friends walls. I have blocked one friend for her almost obsessive game requests and the constant updates about the crap that her kids get up to. I'm not fussed if one of them has just fallen down the stairs, get away from the pc and look after your damn children!
Also Facebook has done nothing but fuel My hatred and intolerance towards most teenage girls. Usually in the 16 - 19 year old age range. They repetitivley spam other people's pages with intolerable crap that could quite easily be sent in one e-mail. They all type in fluent text-speak which is verging on the illiterate and is only readable by those who have a degree from the carphone whorehouse. Do boys find this cute or endearing? If anybody spoke to me like that or was quite so bubbly and chirpy whilst babbling on about total crap I would feel entitled to punch them. I have recently blocked another friend because of the amount of crap on their page posted by offenders in this age range. Hopefully in september, when the kids are back at school or college, Facebook will be relieved of this constant attack of innane waffle.