Sunday, 1 November 2009

Thin red lines.

Well I don't have much of any interest to tell you. I got dressed up in My planned outfit and Myself, Bf, Ginger pubes and a friend whom I shall call Mr. Moon went into town and parked ourselves in the nearest pub garden. Before we left the house I asked Bf if I looked ok, He replyed with 'yeah, you look fine.' Ginger pubes was at our house when He said this and later in the pub when I had dissappeared to powder My nose he sent Me a text saying that He thought I looked beautiful even though bf did'nt say it. I returned to the garden and whispered My thanks to Him.Small comments like that can really lift a girls' spirits. I spent most of the night trying to be involved with the conversation but soon resorted to being drunk and silly, which causes much amusement between My friends. I felt like I was being ignored by Bf in favour of His friends who had turned up. He managed to take silly photos of His friends and Himself but not a single one of Me despite My asking. We went home early, had sex, then almost immediatly after He went to bed leaving Me talking to Minty all night.
Bf was'nt best pleased and woke up to shout abuse at Me during the night. He used harsh words and I felt really down at this point. I went to bed where we continued to argue and spit venomous comments at eachother until we fell asleep.
This morning I woke before Him and went to the bathroom. There are thin cuts on My shoulders and back. I did them with a stanley knife. They are covered by My clothes and Bf won't see them. They won't scar but they are very red and angry and they burn as though they have been rubbed with salt. This happens everytime I am coming towards the end of a relationship. Its a very bad habit to indulge in.
I woke bf up with a cup of tea and asked if he wanted any washing doing ( neurotic cleaning again ) We have been pleasant towards eachother all day although it it obvious to Him that I am deeply unhappy.

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